All your life people tell you to push past your limits. To essentially become limitless. You never really know what they mean until your limit is smaller than ever and you're still trying to push past your former limit instead of your current one and you fail every single time.

Patiently Waiting

Every time I think about it, it hits me again, whether I show it or not. People ask me if I'm going to try again. Thing is, I've never stopped. I didn't quit because I wanted to. I quit because I had to. I had to stop hurting my mom. I had to stop hurting myself. This has killed us both. Every time I work up the courage to try again, it gets worse. I can't do it alone anymore. People ask me why I don't stop. I don't stop because if I don't keep trying, I won't ever know if it's over. I want it all to just be over, but that's not what God wants I suppose. Good things have come out of all this, but they were all earned. You tell me that it could be so much worse, as if I don't know that. I know things could be much worse, because I've witnessed worse. I make myself sick worrying about my people dealing with worse things. It's been one year, eight months, and fifteen days. I have played one half. One freaking half, which I hardly remember. There are bigger and better things to put my focus on, and I do, but it just keeps hitting me. It will stop one day.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

Thank you so much.

I'm gonna steal your heart.

1. I have been to Disney World and back.
2. I am now a hostess at Chili's.
3. I haven't ran since I had to be 'rescued.' That's going to change tomorrow.
4. I rarely have a legitimate appetite anymore.
5. I have not been to the doctor in over a month.
6. I found out some awful news that scares me to no end. No one knows just how much this is killing me.
7. I just want to be swept away.
8. I am probably going to do a few things I regret over the next year.
9. I cannot wait for senior year.
10. I'm gonna steal your heart.